Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Everyday is a fight for peace and comfort

929: I don’t recognize my life sometimes. I go about, seeing things that remind me of things passed. Yesterday, I was in a narrow valley, the walls or ridges that created the valley very close, and high. It reminded me of regular scenes in the Smoky Mountain’s. I thought, I’ll go backpacking soon in the Smokys. I also drove near the Sheltowee Trace. I thought, now is when I would begin to hike the 300 mile trail, bit by bit and finish it sometime this year. I saw bicycle riders, riding along a county road in the glorious warm sunshine. And I thought, oh man, I’ll go along with them the next time. Of course, I can not do any of these things right now, things so regular, my mind assumes I can, plans a trip, then remembers my limitations. It does bring forth swells of sadness. I spend a lot of time walking and getting exercise as much as I can. I do this believing one day I will return to my favorite activities. I am inclined to think, I may not make it all the way back and I try to shush those thoughts. Jesus said (in so many words) as a man thinks, so is he. I read everything I can, meditate, and try to place myself in a new, totally healed body. I believe, based on a persons faith, miracles occur all the time. I believe that I may be totally healed, and I may one day, climb Mount LeCont (in the Smoky’s), or ride my bike 100 miles again. I believe this because one look outside in nature, there are things more miraculous than what I ask. There are things more astonishing in everyday life. How can I not believe in total healing when even more wonderful things fill my everyday world? Yet, there are times I do not believe as much as other times. I am most vulnerable when I am tired. I spent four days in Lexington visiting my Son and Grandson. It was exhausting. When I got home, I feel into a deep sleep, and I was so thankful for the absolute miracle of the weekend. However, when I woke the next day, I was so tired, I didn’t think I had the strength to even open my eyes. It was all so emotional, and physically exhausting. Even though I could hardly move, I got in my jeep and drove out to my old cabin. There is a field near there, where I like to go and rest. Sometimes I throw out a sleeping bag on the ground and rest. Other times, I open up all of the window and doors to my truck and rest in the back – where I have fixed up a bed for myself. I was so tired, I made it easy on myself and laid down in the ready made bed in the back. The warm breeze wafted through the jeep bringing the sound of the nearby creek and it was embedded with wild bird song. I slept so soundly as to dream. Some unknown time later, I woke, and could feel the intense early spring sunshine on my feet and lower legs. I raised up and re-entered consciousness lightly. The birds where singing, the creek falling, the breeze wafting through the opened doors, and I noticed a herd of deer foraging a couple hundred yards away. I as at peace.

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